the swash zone

When my master and I were walking in the rain, he would say, "Do not walk so fast, the rain is everywhere."   ~ Shunryu Suzuki It is day 312 of my sobriety journey. The past few days have been difficult. Dark. Tommy Rosen in his Recovery 2.0 talks about "the darkness of addiction and the light of recovery." I was diving into the darkness also known as social media, spending too much time in the anger and fearfulness of current events. Twitter has become a gloomy replacement for drinking. I realized yesterday that I was heading towards relapse. All the warming signs were there: anxiety, anger, mood swings galore, consuming large quantities of junk food, ignoring my sources of support, arguing with the internal committee who thinks drinking again would be great.  Whenever I get close to a big milestone, the committee starts holding loud, boisterous meetings, clamoring for attention, whining and cajoling, wanting to have "just one" drink. I appoint...

Misery is impossible with gratefulness. ~ Osho Before I sat down to write this post I was busy drawing and then cooking my breakfast. Throughout those activities, I tried to stay in the moment and be present with what I was doing, but my mind would stray and start writing my blog post for me. However, by the time I put my fingers on the keyboard, all of the thoughts and ideas had disappeared. I have no idea what I meant to write about today. Day 32 and I'm feeling grateful for having gotten this far. Grateful to Holly over at Hip Sobriety for The Mantra Project . Grateful for all the support I've received at Hello Sunday Morning . Grateful for the support and comments from the Un-Tipsy Teacher . Grateful for my husband, my family, and my friends for all of their support. And grateful for this opportunity to begin to learn about who I am without alcohol. Are you familiar with the FlyLady ? A few years ago I tried her method of cleaning in an effort to get organized a...

Growth and transformation occur not by changing who we are, but as we summon the courage to be who we are.   ~ Katrina Kenison, Magical Journey: An Apprenticeship in Contentment I've been cleaning house today. I'd like to simplify my life, but realize that if I start piling projects on top of early sobriety, it will topple. I will do what I can, what I feel up to doing, and leave it at that for now. Every little bit helps. One reason I am trying to stay aware of taking on too much is that there are a lot of upcoming travels and events, most of which I cannot cancel for a variety of reasons. The holidays, for instance, will happen with or without me and I don't plan to miss the opportunities I will have to spend time with my children and grandchildren and other family members. Although I realize that thinking of the future will also cause problems with my present sobriety, I must remember and plan to take time out for myself when I can. For now, I can take things...