the swash zone

"I have had to experience so much stupidity, so many vices, so much error, so much nausea, disillusionment and sorrow, just in order to become a child again and begin anew. I had to experience despair, I had to sink to the greatest mental depths, to thoughts of suicide, in order to experience grace.   ~Hermann Hesse, Siddhartha It has been a long time since I've posted here, and a lot has gone on since my last posting. Today is day 204 in my new life as a teetotaler. I still feel so raw and new and unsure of where I'm going. Part of me wishes I'd been writing here for the past 200+ days. I was writing elsewhere. It was a good place to be. I suppose that's stating the obvious. If it hadn't been, I wouldn't be 200+ days sober. The support of friends that I love wholeheartedly has been wonderful, but I feel in need of a different kind of support now. My lovely friends are not sober and while they will always be a part of my tribe, they are not the who...

As far as inner transformation is concerned, there is nothing you can do about it. You cannot transform yourself, and you certainly cannot transform your partner or anybody else. All you can do is create a space for transformation to happen, for grace and love to enter.   ~ Eckhart Tolle I was sitting here sorting through quotes, trying to figure out which one best suited what is on my mind today. I have been thinking about why I have been successful so far. What has been different from past attempts?  I started out this time around with no expectations. Instead, I leaned on anticipation and curiosity. What's around the corner? Where will one more day of sobriety lead? Will it always be a struggle or is it true that it will get easier over time? And most importantly: Who am I without the crutch of alcohol? I started out this time with one real focus: sobriety. I didn't pile on a bunch of self-improvement projects the way I would if I bought a wreck of a house that I...