One


We remember it by feel. We experience it as a murmur in the night, a longing and restlessness that we can't name, a yearning that tugs at us. Something in our human blood is still searching for it, still listening, still remembering. Nicaraguan poet-priest Ernest Cardenal wrote, "We have always wanted something beyond what we wanted." I have loved those words, how they speak to the longing place inside us that seeks to be whole and connected to the earth. 
~ Linda Hogan
Is that what addiction is about? The longing and yearning? Some folks seem to think so. Whether it is or isn't, one of the things I'd like to work on is my connection to earth by spending more time outdoors.

 I've been wondering about addiction. At what point can one say they are addicted to something? If you are not at the point where a physical withdrawal requires medical attention, are you addicted?

 Tommy Rosen, in his book Recovery 2.0, defines addiction as: "any behavior you continue to do despite the fact that it brings negative consequences into your life."  Holly, over at Hip Sobriety, writes "Some 90% of folks who struggle with alcohol (in the US) are not clinically addicted."  

 However it is defined, and whether or not I am addicted, I do struggle with alcohol. I find it hard to quit and stay quit which is worrisome (to me) in and of itself. Physically, I am unable to drink in the large amounts I used to drink when I was younger, but I still go well beyond what is defined as moderate. There are many, many reasons why it would do me good to give up alcohol, and I imagine I'll be exploring them in the future.

 In the meantime, I am now in the midst of the happy hours, and looking for a way to fill them with something other than a couple of beers followed by some bourbon chasers later in the evening.  I just finished meditating (the weekend meditation with davidji over at davidji.com which just so happens to be a "Starting Anew Meditation").  It was lovely, and I feel much calmer than when I started.  I can see how meditation, if I use it, will help me through this process.

 Now I'm off to explore other possibilities.  Maybe I'll even take up drawing again.  

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