Three and One


Let go of the battle. Breathe quietly and let it be. Let your body relax and your heart soften. Open to whatever you experience without fighting. 
~ Jack Kornfield, A Path with Heart: A Guide Through the Perils and Promises of Spiritual Life
I'm tired today. I'm not sure why. I slept really well last night. Whatever the reason, and I'm not sure it matters at this point, I will need to keep that in mind later when the happy hours cometh. 

 I love that Jack Kornfield quote. It's a sage piece of advice. I know from past experience that it is when I'm battling with myself that I am most likely to give in to the cravings to drink (or eat, or when I was smoking, smoke). The key, I think, is not to engage with the Addicted Self. Acknowledge the thoughts, but don't get wrapped up in them.

 I recently took the free week of Recovery 2.0 coaching offered by Tommy Rosen. I wish I could afford to join his eight week program. Ah well, it's beyond my means at this time. I did buy his book and have started reading that. During the coaching program, we were given a morning sadhana (daily spiritual practice) that I have continued to do. I love it, and it's made me more interested in kundalini yoga. There are no kundalini yoga teachers in my area (there are barely a few yoga teachers and they are nearly an hour away). I will have to learn more online. It's a good way for me to spend part of the happy hours because it distracts me from the urge to get started on my evening rounds of beer and booze.

 That was yesterday. Today is another Day One. I know what happened, I know why it happened, and I have learned from it. I will not use this as an excuse to continue drinking. Instead, I will step back on to the path of living my life alcohol-free.

 This morning I read something from Belle that made perfectly good sense to me:
If you’ve been half-assed at trying things to be sober, you can try saying this: “I’m going to quit for 100 days even if I hate it. I'm going to try different. I'm going to get more support and more tools. What I've been doing up to now hasn't been working. I want to see how much better being sober is, Belle assures me it’s worth it.” 

 So, I am going to quit for 100 days. Even if I hate it. I am going to try different. I am going to get more support, I am going to get more tools, and I am going to USE that support and those tools. Because seriously folks, what I've been doing hasn't been working.

 Belle is right. It is time to try different.

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