the swash zone

You may accept the inevitable with bitterness and resentment or with patience and grace. Mere acceptance is not sufficient.   ~ Paul Brunton I think that's true. I think that is what underlies what they call a "dry drunk."  Day 8. Winter is coming, as they say. Today is not too bad in terms of temperature, but the clouds are persisting. Every now and then the sun peeks out to remind us that it is up there. I am still on the struggling side of acceptance, or at least acceptance with patience and grace. I want to be ahead of where I'm at now, enjoying the benefits of long-term sobriety, but I also have to remind myself to be patient. I have not yet earned the benefits of long-term sobriety, and the only way to earn them is by staying alcohol-free one day at a time, learning along the way as the days add up. I also want to hibernate. Sleep has been deep and the dreams have been weird. I have been dreaming of the dead. Perhaps my dead loved ones are trying to...

Today I know that I cannot control the ocean tides. I can only go with the flow... When I struggle and try to organize the Atlantic to my specifications, I sink. If I flail and thrash and growl and grumble, I go under. But, if I let go and float, I am borne aloft.   ~ Marie Stilkind It is a day 4 of being alcohol-free. Beautifully sunny after a few days of clouds, but cold. The cold is good. We need a cold winter to knock out some of the insects that were almost a plague this past summer. Mother Earth knows what she's doing, if we'd only let her do it instead of doing things that upset the balance. I have been contemplating acceptance since that seems to be the theme for the past few days. I don't know why I struggle with accepting what is . Not all of what is . It feels easier, most of the time, to accept that I will live a life of heavy drinking than it is to accept that it is time to stop. All change is like that, I suppose. Yesterday was a tough one. I did wh...

The secret of surviving housework is simply to do it. Pull the plug on the part of your brain that always wants to negotiate everything...   Not postponing chores -- and not spending any mental energy equivocating, temporizing, or stalling -- is actually a lot more restful than worrying about what needs to be done.   ~ Veronique Vienne 'Tis true, you know. Procrastinating, especially when it comes to housework, brings more stress to my life than actually doing the work. I've been busy cleaning house this morning, doing things I've put off since last week. It feels so good to have it done. This is one of those early sober days in which I have a ton of energy, and it's best to get things done while I can. I know from past experience that the next few days might bring a drastic dip in my vim and verve, as the early days are wont to do. I will be traveling over the weekend. I'm not sure I'll have time to post after today due to preparations and some yar...

We remember it by feel. We experience it as a murmur in the night, a longing and restlessness that we can't name, a yearning that tugs at us. Something in our human blood is still searching for it, still listening, still remembering. Nicaraguan poet-priest Ernest Cardenal wrote, "We have always wanted something beyond what we wanted." I have loved those words, how they speak to the longing place inside us that seeks to be whole and connected to the earth.   ~ Linda Hogan Is that what addiction is about? The longing and yearning? Some folks seem to think so. Whether it is or isn't, one of the things I'd like to work on is my connection to earth by spending more time outdoors. I've been wondering about addiction. At what point can one say they are addicted to something? If you are not at the point where a physical withdrawal requires medical attention, are you addicted? Tommy Rosen, in his book Recovery 2.0 , defines addiction as: "any behavior y...