One, continued

I'm thinking that I'm going to spend a lot of time writing here over the next 100 days. I'm thinking that 100 days seems like a long time, but that it is better if I don't think too hard about time, especially future time. I'm thinking I don't want to be hungover again. And I'm thinking that I've thought that last thought far too many times in my life.

It would be easy to sit here and beat myself up. I've done enough of that. I am going to try to be kind to myself. As Monty Python said, "And now for something completely different."

I'm thinking I want to be healthy and happy and free from harm as they say in metta meditations. I'm thinking that I cannot be any of those things while consuming mass quantities of beer and bourbon and other forms of alcohol. 

I'm thinking that Day One with a hangover is always an easy Day One. I am trying not to think about Days Two, Three, Four, or Five, or any possible struggles ahead. Let's just deal with this day and this moment, and leave the future to itself.  

I'm thinking I'd like to reach this point:

There's something about sober living and sober thinking, about facing long afternoons without the numbing distraction of anesthesia that disabuses you of the belief in the externals, shows you that strength and hope come not from circumstances or the acquisition of things, but from the simple accumulation of active experience, from gritting the teeth and checking the items off the list, one by one, even if it's painful and you're afraid. 

~ Carolina Knapp

The drinks line-up for tonight

In addition to all of the above, I spent time this afternoon thinking about what I've done right and what I've done wrong during my past attempts at sobriety. Having acknowledged both, I hope I have a handle on how to do this in a way that sets me up for success rather than failure.