Day 11: Grey and cloudy


Untie your knot. Seek the path that demands your whole being.
~ Rumi
We are well and truly socked in with clouds today. The wind has subsided, and they say it might snow tonight. Given that it's going to be warm tomorrow, I doubt we'll see much of the snow, if any at all.

 Day 11. I read that Rumi quote this morning and thought that perhaps sobriety will do that, or at the very least, disentangle me from the knot of a poisonous habit/addiction.

 I haven't written about my drinking history because I don't really know where to start or what to say about it. From the very beginning, it was Too Much. I've moved in and out of moderation from time to time, but for the most part, it was Too Much.

 Drinking contributed to a lot of the stupidity in my life. It contributed to some of the hateful things I've done, things I am still ashamed to think about today. I've been given forgiveness by others, but haven't yet learned how to forgive myself as I move along in my new life without alcohol. I know that's something that causes me to stumble and fall, and it's something I will have to work on little by little, day by day.

 On that note, time to get on with the weekend. I want to learn how to enjoy weekends without alcohol, without getting drunk, and without hangovers. That last part is easy. No drinking, no hangovers. The rest will take time, I suspect. If you have a few alcohol-free weekends under your belt and care to share how you have fun, I would love to hear about it.

 Peace, love, and happiness,
Rania

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